I’ve been missing you today and I haven’t done anything else. Missing you is hard work, you know. It’s the only work I’ve done so intensely, so earnestly in my whole life. Tomorrow is your birthday again. And it’s only been one year. A year of bent time.... I feel the long crush of some …
Why I’m For Sure Going to Have the Side Salad
Jeff travels internationally for work. I am always with him while he packs. It's our ritual. His packing, though full of sweet minutes and fluffing of laundry, also always sets into motion a rush of memories for me from the day our boys were born and died. Add this to the list of reasons I like …
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Two years: The Tradition of Cotton
Today is our second wedding anniversary. Two trips around the sun, two daughters anticipating a new year in middle school, two little guys in heaven, two healing mommy and daddy hearts. This day has come with an unexpected "anniversary reaction" for being an anniversary. By that I mean, it's started a lot of crying, when …
Wednesday August 1, 2018
Our family is traveling this week and so I'm going to give myself some grace and write a short list of what's helping lately. My husband Warm hugs (it's not just Olaf who likes 'em) Self-talk Hot, delicious drinks Looking for little things, such as interesting textures or hidden shapes, to enjoy on walks Helping …
Their Baby Died. What Do I Say?
One thing Jeff and I have talked about with other loss parents is the way well-meaning acquaintances, friends, and family sometimes say "the wrong thing" when hearing the bad news that our babies have died. I think this happens because even simply thinking about the death of a baby is so shocking, burdensome, and intense …
What’s Helping Wednesday
One thing I have longed for in the last 10 months was some sort of salve, some activity or thing or idea which could give me lasting comfort. When we are hurting, don't we just want to feel better? My mind has been working through full-blown grief, post-partum depression, and PTSD. I'm going along pretty …
Bring Me All of the Food
"Gain 40-50 pounds," they said. That's an unusual statement for a woman to hear from her doctor but it's exactly what my perinatologist told me once I'd lost the 30 lbs of water weight and another 10lbs from morning sickness. I think the concept of needing to gain weight has remained as a left-over in …
Life and Lemons and Such
We found out that I was pregnant in the ICU. If my life was a movie, I think the soundtrack to the scene beginning in May 2017 would have caused increased heart rates, tense facial expressions, and intervals of hyperventhillation. Fair warning: this is unsatisfying type of movie scene we're talking about. The type that …
Moving Forward
Thanks for joining me! Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Everlasting Mama 